I guess I should start out with some kind of introduction. Hello, my name is unimportant, I am 19 years old, and I am currently enrolled in my first year of college with an undecided major. As it is currently mid-April, the end of the school year is vastly approaching. Over the course of my first year of college, I’ve learned many things about myself and about other people. And those things are what led me to make this blog. Within the last year, I’ve become a very introspective person. I’ve done a lot of self-reflection, and sometimes it feels as though I have so many thoughts at once, I can’t keep them straight. That’s where the blog comes in. You see, by having this blog I feel as though I may be able to understand my emotions more clearly, and therefore process them better. Possibly leading to a better understanding of myself, as well as other people. Which is ultimately, what I want I guess.
I think the idea of getting a blog really came into play a few weeks ago, after the realization a few months prior that I was experiencing some kind of “mental distress.” I don’t want to name it “depression” or “anxiety” quite yet, because I haven’t seen a specialist (I’m planning on making an appointment with a counselor at my school), and I know that if I put an exact name to it, I might create some kind of self fulfilling prophecy. All I know is that sometimes, everything in my head gets to be a little too much, and I end up having some kind of “breakdown.” Be it in the form of crying, having trouble breathing, rocking back and forth, sleeping through the whole day, not going outside or showering for two weeks, I reach a breaking point. Which, in itself, is not all too irregular. We all need to let off steam now and then. However within the last few months, I noticed that these things were occurring more frequently, and that I had been blocking out or ignoring memories of it happening before. That maybe even for a few years now, I’ve been having a hard time functioning. Nothing life-threatening, nothing dangerous, but it’s not exactly a great way to live. All that being said, I do have a very happy life. Good friends, a loving supportive family, two pets, financial security, a high school diploma, fun hobbies, etc. But that doesn’t mean that there can’t be some things that aren’t going great. There are certainly things that I could be doing better. I’m thankful that lately I’ve gotten into a habit of digging into my own thoughts and trying to find what they mean, and why I feel the way I feel sometimes. My hope is that by having this blog, I can log my progress, as to have real concrete evidence of an effort being made to get better, and that I can help other people. Plus, I do like writing about myself. This way I feel like I’m not just dumping all my thoughts on my poor, supportive best friend, who has always willingly listened when I decide to word-vomit all over her about my troubling introspection. I am aware, that I am practically rambling at this point, and that not all of my thoughts are concise, but it is 12:09 AM, and I am eager to actually be typing this. To be following through with it. My following posts will (hopefully) be more cleanly put together, and thought out. Or maybe they’ll just be aforementioned word-vomit. Who knows. Either way, I’m glad this is here. I’m glad I’m doing this. I look forward to the future, and what it has to offer.
I am an Insecure Nerd, and I am signing off for the night. Thanks, and have a lovely day.
4/15/2017, 12:13 AM